What you’re about to read in no way means that I have reached my max capacity of confidence (and if you know me, that statement may be surprising lol).
Confidence is easier than what you might believe. A simple “fake it until you make it” would consolidate this article into a two-second read. But I do have a few tactics to share that just might help someone start to feel more confident.
- Believe in yourself.
I know, this is the phrase posted in every second- or third-grade teacher’s room, the age-old saying that you caught yourself staring at and wondering how it applied to you as a 7-year-old enjoying “quiet time.” Nonetheless, this is quite possibly the most important piece of advice, which is why it is listed first. Whatever you are doing, believe in yourself.
You’ll have allies throughout your life who may cheer you on from the sidelines, but no one will cheer you on in your life more than yourself. Whether you’re trying to start a new career, launching a new product, running a marathon, opening a bar, or even just getting out of bed in the morning, you have to believe that you can do it. You have to picture the end goal in your head over and over and over again. Then one day when you’re unlocking the door to a place you bought on a whim to live your dream of owning a store specializing in Indian jewelry, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start believing in yourself years ago.
2. Talk the talk, but also make sure you walk the walk.
It took me a while to learn that I not only need to act confident around people, but I also truly need to BE confident around people. Yes, these are two different things.
This has been described as power stances, looking directly in people’s eyes (less creepy than it sounds), rolling your shoulders back, having a firm handshake (breaking the other person’s hand isn’t the goal here) or minimizing the use of filler words. Although it sounds like these acts of confidence can only be used within a work setting, these actually are extremely beneficial during social settings, too.
They also can be described as truly listening and engaging in conversation with others.
3. Be your biggest supporter.
This one means more than you might think, and applies in a variety of situations.
Maybe you decide to wear a funky outfit on a night out, and one of your friends says, “Oh, wow… You look interesting.” First of all, that’s just rude. No one needs that judgment in their lives, and any “friend” who says that does not sound like a friend to me. Also, digging a little deeper, most judgments are not about the person being judged (please read Judgment Detox by Gabby Bernstein), so do not take that on. And yes, I will be doing a full review on things I learned in that book as it is one of my absolute favorites.
Second of all, don’t buy into it. I advise you to not let the insecurity come out of you by replying with something like, “You’re so right…This is such a weird outfit. I think I’m going to change.” That does nothing but feed the other person’s ego and make you feel worse about your decision.
Instead, simply say, “Thank you! Was going for a funkier look tonight and I think I look good.”
It’s that easy.
On this topic, we need to normalize people complimenting themselves and feeling good about themselves! I’ve had that exact same situation happen to me a thousand times, whether it was about an outfit or a date or writing. Every time I clap back with a statement that supports what I’m doing, nine times out of 10 they will join in on supporting me (IMO, the remaining one out of 10 likely is someone we shouldn’t be wasting our time with).
These three things have helped me tremendously along my journey of confidence. Confidence ebbs and flows. There are days where I don’t exhibit my confidence with everything I do, and that’s completely okay. As with the journey in self love, so is the journey in self confidence. We’re all just figuring it out together.
